She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
