Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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