Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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