I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
