Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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