Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
