and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
