then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
