Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
