I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
