I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
