Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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