I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
