What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
