I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he thought i was a dude.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
