I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
