ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
50% drunk capacity currently
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
