don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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