Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
