yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
