Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
