i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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