Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
