im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
