His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm both gender and math confused
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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