Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
