I threw up into my coffee this morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
