God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
