I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
