He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
