I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
