I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
