It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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