I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
