I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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