i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
