I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
