she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
