i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
