dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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