party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
