Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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