well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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