I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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