Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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