brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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