my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
