I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
