my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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