i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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