my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize