you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
