its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
